Tips for good parenting

Tips for good parenting

A couple of days back I read the news of Delhi NCR where a teenage boy killed his family members in a fit of rage because he was scolded and beaten up at home. It shooked me. As a responsible parent, I paused for a moment and thought about his psyche, the reason for this behavioural abnormality. Who is responsible for such acts? Are parents able to communicate effectively to kids? Why is there a feeling of taking revenge from elders instead of understanding the message they want to convey? What is the reason of growing impatience in elders as well as teenagers?
Many questions ......I started to pen down my thoughts and realized that as a parent sometimes we do not think before speaking to kids. The words have a deep-rooted impact on children. Out of the habit of many parents, it is not rare to say "Can't you sit quietly for some time. Do not irritate me."Later on, realizing our mistake we feel sorry for our kids but by then the words had already done the harm.Many child psychologists post that in anger parents utter such words which have a gradual but definite effect on child psychology.Here are a few negative phrases which must be avoided:

 Please leave me alone

As a parent, each time we use these words we create distance between us and kids. They feel parents do not have time for them and start hesitating to share their feelings. They hide their thoughts to their inner core. The more mature way is to let children know parents routine and work schedule. Let them be participants in this routine. They should know that they would be given exclusive attention and thoroughly heard and entertained once parents would be free. Meanwhile, they should be looked after either by a responsible person or be engaged in activities of their likes. However, it should be kept in mind that children cannot stay away from parents for long and they must be attended soon.

You are lazy/stupid 

Kids start believing what their parents say repeatedly. For example when we keep saying that "you are lazy and stupid", they absorb that and gradually start losing confidence. They behave accordingly. Child psychologists recommend being neutral towards children for the healthy development of their personality because every time discouraging/praising them in front of others is inadvisable. It demotivates them or creates a burden of expectations on them. Also, we should avoid talking about their mistakes again and again.

Learn from your sibling/friend 

Every child is unique. Each child has different capabilities, temperaments and interests. It is unwise to make a comparison between siblings or friends. This harms them instead of doing good and the kid might feel the other way. This hurts the self-esteem of the child. As a result, they become stubborn and start acting in a manner that we do not expect. Psychologists suggest we should look the other way round and appreciate child's inherent qualities, good deeds, gestures and achievements which would encourage kids to do better in future.

Don't cry/don't be afraid

The moment we say don't it creates a negative aura. When we ask kid not to cry or not be afraid, it conveys to the child that crying and fear are bad emotions but in fact these emotions are ways of expressing. Until the child learns to express himself in words convincingly, he uses these emotions as a means of communication. Parents should rather encourage children to say aloud what they feel. Similarly, if a child is afraid of a dog, he should be treated for the reason of his fear and not misjudged for his emotions.

Good boy/good girl

As parents, we often use phrases like "good boy/good girl".Instead, we should be more vocal for "good job/good deed".We should praise the associated behaviour like it's good to see that you have shared your toys or your painting is good or you have used good colours. This would not only enhance their performance but also develop interpersonal skills.

Kids are very sensitive. There are endless tips of parenting but every child and every circumstance is to be handled differently with patience. Parents must step in their child's shoes to analyse how to tackle them. Be their best friends rather than being a good father or a good mother. 😊